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Depression
I just had an ICD implanted Feb 1st. Aside from severe pain I experienced, I am having a difficult time dealing with this lump on my chest. Being that I had a mastectomy on my right breast in 2002, I now feel quite ugly. I believe many women probably have issues dealing with appearance. Won't be wearing any low cut blouses. Also, am much more aware of excessive palpitations at night. The bottom line here, I'm trying to stay alive! But the reality that I have LBBB, cardiomyopathy, and CHF, is just a lot to deal with. Hope I can read more how others feel.
7 Comments
I dont know......
by ohiolaura - 2013-02-17 05:02:31
about the go topless comment Mr. Don gave you!I suppose if youre confident,why not?
Here's my thoughts,I've had an open heart scar,straight down the center of my chest for 46 years now.It used to bother me when I was a teenager,as people would stare at it,and that was rude,but anyways,I got used to it.
After getting married and haveing 2 children,like I cared if people looked ay anything,I lost all sense of modesty.Welcome to motherhood!
Fast forward to June 2012,just when I had a handle on my life and health,my once fixed heart decides to go wacko and give the medical pro's another reason to cut into me.
That was the least of my worries,I am one who doesnt care if someone looks,and now along with a 7 month old raised pink scar,there's a raised area of a little computer under the muscle and skin.Once again,dont care.I am wearing whatever the heck I want,and if someone looks,or wants to ask,go for it.
After you surviving cancer,wear it as Don said as a badge,be thankful we have the ability to keep us going,for all the good medicine can do these days.
Ive seen much worse in scars in and on people,as well as some really bad tatoos!
I say do what feels right to you,be comfortable in your own skin......sorry!
Laura
It is a lot to deal with!
by Grateful Heart - 2013-02-17 06:02:22
But it is dealable. I have LBBB, cardiomyopathy, and CHF also as well as SSS. My EF 4 years ago was 24%. It has been 50% for over 2 years now with my ICD....a Normal EF (ejection fraction) now. I know I am very lucky.
This lump in your chest will make you feel better...give it time. It is a shock to most of us when we first learn we need an ICD. I didn't know about this site then, I wish I did. Learn all you can about your heart condition and device and you will become more comfortable with it. This is a great place to start. Most here are kind, caring, comforting and honest about our devices and conditions. Some here have so much knowledge about it too.
You've been through so much with cancer, don't sweat the small stuff.
Last but not least, Cardiac Rehab. When the time comes, find a great Cardiac Rehab class to attend. The Nurses will monitor you while you exercise on machines at your own pace. It is one of the best things I did after my ICD was implanted. Sometimes, we are afraid to move after our surgeries, not knowing if we will affect the device somehow. Cardiac Rehab teaches you to get back to a normal, active lifestyle...whatever that may be for each person. You will also meet others with conditions similar to yours and that helps to ease your mind too.
Ask any questions you may have here too. We are here for you!
Grateful Heart
Be easy on yourself, if you can.
by howdoyoumendabrokenheart - 2013-02-17 10:02:35
Hello. I understand how you are feeling, well almost. I, too, have CHF, Cardiomyopathy and CPOD. Being a little depressed is natural. These are very depressing health issues to have. Be easy on yourself and don't beat yourself up for feeling one way or another at this time. Also remember that true beauty comes from within. I know that sounds cliche but it is true at the end of the day. Don't be ashamed of your ICD. If you want to wear a low cut top, do it. I understand that right now the scar is still fresh but in time you will get used to it. Besides, if someone questions you about it you will be able to tell them and hopefully they will get check ups and perhaps prevent heart conditions for themselves. I wish I knew all the right things to say, but I wanted to say something. I do hope you are feeling better soon. Remember, feel however you feel.
Your WORST problem ...
by donr - 2013-02-17 11:02:14
...is behind you!!!!!!!!!
You are a TEN + yr survivor of breast cancer. THAT's what should have been giving you the depression, not your ICD.
I don't know where you are on the spectrum of breast cancer survivors, but you are a LONG way past the vast majority of the survivors. Congratulations on that issue.
Now for the minor issue - an ICD. "How do you..." nailed it well in her first comment above! You have two "Red Badges of Courage." Fer cryin' out loud, go topless & proudly display your visual evidence of being a SURVIVOR! Unfortunately, unless you are unusual, the ICD scar will fade away into obscurity in a few months & you will have to put a big, red arrow tattoo pointing to its location w/ a label saying "Hey, look at my ICD scar!"
Yes, you have a three cornered hat of cardiac patients, but you are still here & The ICD will take care of a bunch of potential electrical problems & leave the plumbing/mechanical problems for other solutions.
As to the palpitations - with your new sensitivity to heart arrhythmias, you will notice a lot of things that were below your radar pre ICD. That is not at all unusual. You will have to get your cardio to examine those & tell you what they are & whether or not they are of any consequence. That's the only way you can gain confidence that they are not a problem. That takes TIME, patience & understanding that comes w/ knowledge.
Somehow, you survived the cancer successfully. The psychological issues that accompany cancer are pretty much the same nature as for cardiac issues. Do the same things & you will do just fine.
Don
I understand
by lovelynessa - 2013-02-22 03:02:47
Feel free to read my blogs, you are not alone, we are all here for moral support =)
hang in there!
by ICDBros - 2013-03-12 04:03:32
heres our scar on our youtube channel!!!
youtube.com/user/icdbros
You know you're wired when...
You can take a lickin and keep on tickin.
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Depression
by Fluzy Suzy - 2013-02-17 05:02:00
Hi There
I have been reading about your problem with your ICD implant in that it is a big lump under the skin. My sister had one of those implanted nearly 2 years ago and doctors told her that once she started to get better and put on weight, it would hardly be recognisable.
This has indeed happened and she is very pleased with the outcome, plus the fact that she is alive and well, which to me is the most valued important thing for her.
I forgot to say that we live in England, so other countries differ in their methods.
Take care
Fluzy Suzy