Terrified

Terrified

by Good Dog - 2022-02-15 20:47:58

I understand how difficult it must be with your fear and I feel very bad for you. There are people out there that can help you, but you need to reach-out and ask for it. Perhaps the first thing you can do is find a doctor that you can talk to about your fear and anxiety. There is medication that can help with that. However, in addition to the medication you need to talk to a counselor or doctor about dealing with the fear. Money should not be an excuse, because there are services available for those that don't have the resources. There are help lines available to speak to someone and ask for help. You can do a Google search for your local area. 

You need to understand that what you are going through is just temporary. You will get through it and it will get better. Your Cardiologist will help you with treatment that can eliminate or at least minimize the shocks, but you have to act. Go see him and/or take his advice. No one can help you if you do not allow them to. I really wish you the very best and hope that you will seek out the help that you need and follow-through with it until you feel better.

Sincerely,

David

I can relate....

by BOBTHOM - 2022-02-18 09:17:49

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone!!!  My ICD shocked me again on Feb 3rd 2022 just for the heck of it, my 4th event including one event that was 5 shocks in 15 monutes. If you feel the need you can message me with any questions you may have.  I did the disability thing as well, denied, denied, then went before judge and was finally approved.  That process took about 3 years!

The fear is real, the shocks even more so which reinforces the fear.  What I have done is I started keeping a journal/diary of sorts on an Excel spreadsheet.  Every morning my wake up routine is bathroom, scale, computer and fill in time date, time I woke up, weight, oximeter ($15 on Amazon) heart rate and O2 level, blood pressure systolic, diastolic, heart rate (auto wrist cuff also on Amazon for about $15). Then I a column for free form desciption where I jot down things like medications and time I took them, errant pokes or fluttering beats, even bowel movements.  Next I have columns for breakfast, lunch, dinner.  You would be surprised how a consistent diet and bowel movement schedule can improve how you feel!  Sorry this has gotten so long, if anyone wants more ideas feel free to message me.

You need help--urgently

by Gotrhythm - 2022-02-18 12:16:21

I needed a couple of days to mull over your post and decide what I could or should comment.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time and I'm deeply sympathetic. Living with the challenges you are facing must be hard. 

That said, you do not have the right to decide that life is not worth living. You have a two year old son. Your survival in as good condition as possible is of vital importance to his health and well-being, now and for the whole rest of his life! His need for a mother, even a sick one, trumps your desire to give up.

I'm not judging you. I'm saying this because you have lost your way and you're not thinking clearly. You need help. You can't handle this by yourself. It's not your fault. You are not weak. Anybody in your situation would need emotional, mental, and physical support.

Your need for help is urgent. House on fire URGENT. Your child is in danger of losing his mother and he would not be better off. You need help with childcare. You are not able to think clearly and make good decisions. You need help with financial decisions. And you need mental and emotional support.

I realize when you are depressed even the smallest action can feel too hard. But you must tell someone and ask them to HELP YOU TO GET HELP. Don't wait for the "right" person to come along. If you can't think of someone you can reach out to, go to an ER. If you can't do that, call 911. Yes it is that urgent.

I'll be pulling for you.