I can't sleep

Ok here it goes, On January 18th 2008 the Doctor placed a Defibrillator in my chest and I had my first shock a week ago. I was young, active and happy with a itte fatigue. Now I am SAD, ANGRY, AFRAID and SORE. If there is anybody out there that help me make through this next hour. I need help.... My family members are helpless and tonight I keep crying and I can,t sleep....

6 Comments

We are up and here!

by Swedeheart - 2008-03-26 02:03:14

Shocked,

I know how you feel, and it isn't fun. We all have the dark hours to cope with, but eventually the sun rises and things get calmer.

Tonight I watched a U-Tube presentation from TED (a scientific program) about a neurologist who had a stroke. It was amazing, her descriptions were elegant (seems like a strange word, but that is what comes to mind...) she had a terrible time, and it took her something like 8 years to fully recover. Such diligence. In some ways we are more fortunate, our recovery can be aided by our little technical buddies.

I don't like my PM most of the time, and long for the days without one... but I am thankful to be here and to be able to live my life.

Hang in there. You have made it this far, you will be able to take just one day at a time. Sometimes it is one hour at a time, but you aren't alone.

Hello there

by ela-girl - 2008-03-26 02:03:41

Hi, shocked.

Well, you've had your little miracle machine for a little over 2 months now. How is everything going in your recovery? At this point, you should have had some adjustments and be well on the road to healing. I just ask because I wonder how you are faring physically. I think it can be easier to deal with emotions when the physical is falling in line a bit. Have you had an complications from the surgery?

I don't have an ICD but a dual chamber pm. I am 30 and got my device via emergency surgery about 1 1/2 ago. I do more now with my device then I ever had before because I'm not in fear of something bad happening to me. I think it's natural to pine for what you thought of as your simpler life before the ICD (ignorance is bliss kind of thing if you didn't know about your condition). Now you have to learn to trust your ICD and know that when it shocks you and when you hurt, it is all for the best--to give you a better quality life. It WILL get better but it WILL take time.

In the meantime, that's why you have us here at the PM Club...to support you and help you along! I really feel for you, I do. I wish there was more I could say. Feel free to private message me anytime! We are all here for each other!

Hang in there!
ela-girl

You Can Do It

by gentlben4u - 2008-03-26 10:03:05

Hi,
I have had my PM for 3 months. 8 weeeks ago I felt the same as you. I was depressed, angry, sad, and I cried a lot. I'm 47 and did a lot of crying! Please hang in there. It will get better. 2 months before my surgery, I was laid off from my job. I got a new job 2 weeks after my implant. I still do not have medical insurance yet, but I need it for my meds and follow up exams. E-mail me soon.

Ben.

We are here for you!

by cottontop - 2008-03-26 10:03:53

shocked,
I feel fo you I had a PM for about 9 months now. It took a while to get a handle on it. I had my down times but with support from a special person on this site and friends and family I got through it and I wouldn't have changed a thing if I had to do it over. Things happen for a reason. It is so hard for family and friends to understand what you are feeling, thinking and really just get it if you have never had one. That is why this support group has been a God send for me. We are here for you and as you have already been told just take it one day at a time. You are in my thoughts and prayers,


Amy

Imagine a different thought pattern

by allanrogers - 2008-03-26 11:03:23

Being alive is different for people with pacemakers and defib/s as we are acutely more aware of our own mortality.

If it helps you try to imagine that you are a horse trainer and you love training horses but occasionally one will kick you it never kills you but winds you .

it will get easier to accept

kind thoughts are with you

shocked

by NJEMT1968 - 2008-05-04 11:05:35

I've had my icd since oct 2005. The first time i was shocked it was 6 times in a row 30 seconds apart for SVT, the next time was a single shock for SVT. Yes they hurt like hell, my very first shock I thought that someone hit me, when I looked around no one was there thats when I realized it was my defib giving me therapy. Most recently, I just about blacked out at work and was shocked once more, this time the doctors told me that it was VT that turned into VFib. Yes it hurt, I've been scared anxious, even had panic attacks. But over the past month I've come to realize that even thought I'm scared....I AM ALIVE. The 1 second of pain is definately better than pushing daisies......Remember you control your life, your device controls the arrhythmias. Don't let the device control your life, or you will never get over it...

You know you're wired when...

You trust technology more than your heart.

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