Depression after 3rd surgery

I am 19 years old and was born with a 2:1 heart block which has gradually increased to a complete heart block. I had my first pacemaker implanted when I was two years old(shortly after I was diagnosed). I have a duel chamber pacemaker and always have had. When that pacemaker had depleted, I underwent my second surgery at 10 years old.
Recently I had to have my 3rd pacemaker surgery in late October (the 29th). My recovery has been great, I just had a follow up with my surgeon and they couldn't be happier with the incision site.
However I find my self extremely unhappy. I've never reacted this way to a surgery, although I've never really been old enough to remember any surgery except for this one.
I feel very detached and just not myself, I'm almost entirely back to every normal function just after 11 day after surgery so I'm unsure what is making me so detached. If anyone could share they're experiences as a young person with a pacemaker or their feelings after surgery! it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

8 Comments

I dont know if youre different

by ohiolaura - 2013-11-10 05:11:20

than anyone else,as far as emotional issues after surgery.Like you said,this is really the first surgery you remember,and maybe its just reality that youre feeling,as youre only 19,and you are aware of things so much more that when you were 10 last time.
I think youre smart to post your feelings here,and get support.I had open heart surgery at 4 yrs old,and of course don't remember it at all,which Im thankful for.After that,Ive been lucky to lead a pretty normal life,did all kinds of things,not all smart,but am happily still here.Have 2 kids,around your age,and out of the blus last year I was hit with the reality that I needed a PM,out of the clear blue.
I had a tough time with the whole thing,as I thought my heart problem days were behind me,which they were,what was fixed 45 years ago is still good,thank God,but my electrical system decided to take a crap on me now,thanks a lot!
I had anxiety for the first time in my life,and didn't like that at all,as well as lots of other mental issues with what was going on,but,let me say,I got thru it.
Thanks to a lot of support here,and just my attitude that my life was just taking me in a different direction so to say,and I hit a speed bump or two..........

I think you are just in a temporary funk,and will bounce back up to where you were,just don't be too hard on yourself,and stay strong,you will get there!
Good luck and keep fighting!
Laura

Keep your chin up!

by sydgirl - 2013-11-11 05:11:32

Hi,
I agree with Laura's kind post. You have been through a lot in your life and are now old enough to realise you have been through serious life and death situations, that sounds like a normal reaction to me.
I got my pacemaker 2 years ago and with hindsight I now see I struggled with it emotionally for a year.
Don't be hard on your self and keep your chin up!

There's a Facebook group for young people with pacemakers if your not already a member it might be good to join!

X

Keep your chin up!

by sydgirl - 2013-11-11 05:11:39

Hi,
I agree with Laura's kind post. You have been through a lot in your life and are now old enough to realise you have been through serious life and death situations, that sounds like a normal reaction to me.
I got my pacemaker 2 years ago and with hindsight I now see I struggled with it emotionally for a year.
Don't be hard on your self and keep your chin up!

There's a Facebook group for young people with pacemakers if your not already a member it might be good to join!

X

It's OK to be depressed

by Theknotguy - 2013-11-11 11:11:52

It's OK to be depressed. You're finally at an age where you know what is going on. In the words of my son, "Sometimes real life sucks!" Yep, sometimes it does. Have the pity party for about 30 seconds and then get back to your life. Kinda hard, I know but that's what you gotta do. I would get checked out to make sure you don't have a medical reason for the depression. However ....

Try to concentrate on things you want to do and things you can do. After the PM I've had to give up mountain climbing, scuba diving, and sky diving. Ah well, never did that anyway so I guess I won't miss it. However I can do photography. With all the cheap cameras and the fancy phones plenty of pictures to take. What else can you do?

You're over 18 so you can't be a 4-H member but you can be an adviser/mentor. There are plenty of kids out there who don't know about projects and would welcome assistance from someone in their position. Same would be true for scouts. So an adviser/mentor role would get you back in the swing of things and get your mind off your PM.

College? Community College? The medical industry needs people like yourself. You've been through it so would make a great tech/support person. Quite a few roles to take on. Check with colleges and see what's out there.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Then you find out life is made up of small stuff. Ah well.

With all the medical advancements out there you should be able to live to 100+. Keep hanging in there. It's a beautiful world with a lot of things to see, do, and experience.

Theknotguy

Depression

by crossettae - 2013-11-13 09:11:37

I don't know if this helps at all because I am not in the same boat as you but I got my first pacemaker in august when I was 24. I was born with heart problems but did not require any thing until just recent. This funk is really hard to get out of. It is sort of like you getting your first one since you can remember the surgery and are old enough to understand the full process now. I have just started recently coming out of that funk of having this thing in my chest. It sometimes is hard to look past all of this that we go through and see the bigger and better picture. We have such a wonderful chance to make a difference, esp at such a young age. I found that diving myself into school and what I really love to do has turned my attitude around. I want to say it gets better, because it did for me. It may not be a week from now, and it takes a lot of work but it is possible to have your old self back. You are NOT alone...

Depression

by Duke Heart Patient - 2013-11-15 02:11:32

I had open heart surgery when I was 2 months old ... I am 39 now ... Pacemaker in 2011. Since pacemaker I too stay depressed. It is very hard to get back to normal. Life is different. How are you doing now ? dealing with it ?

Thank you all

by Ashtinicole - 2013-11-19 07:11:44

I couldn't thank you enough all for your kind words and recommendations on ways to keep my mind off of my surgery. I have been doing better as I'm almost back to my normal daily functions as the active person I was before my unexpected surgery. I am very thankful for the supportive people around me including the support group I've discovered on this site that can even related to situations such a my own. Thank you all so much.

You aren't alone!

by Wrash - 2013-11-29 01:11:01

Hello - I'm 42 and just had my 3rd pm placed. My job is very stressful and strenuous - a flight nurse on a medical helicopter. My most recent surgery was on 11/15/13 and I'm still out on medical leave. My first pm was for sinus arrest and my second was replaced for battery life and I somehow managed to break the wire.

This time has been quite stressful. Before, I only needed an atrial wire. I started having dizzy episodes and it was discovered that I was now having delayed ventricular conduction. So, I now needed a second wire.

To say that I have been depressed is an understatement. I worry that my heart issues will become more involved and severe in the future. I often worry if my life expectancy has been shortened. I have such an incredible job and can't imagine my activity level decreasing to the point of needing a new job.

I also worry that my partner will be affected. I want to continue to be the best partner I can be. I hate the thought of her suffering in any way because of me.

I suppose that worrying is normal and so is depression. I struggle with the thought of this being a chronic condition. There are many of us in this boat. I think support groups like this are wonderful.

You know you're wired when...

You name your daughter “Synchronicity”.

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