Complications and Depression Later On

Yup!  Haven't been on here in a couple years but got an email from this just now?   Anyway, yes.  Depression and doubt creeps in so easily.  My body is slowly failing me in several many ways including my pacer which I've had about 5-6 years.   After just about 4 years my battery decided to run out of time.   So just got a new one 6 mos ago.   Different company.   Because of being in constant Afib my battery is cranked up to the max, therefore causing it to run out "faster than the usual life."   Because it is set so high and constant I'm being knocked all over the place as it lets  me know it's there.   Won't go into all the other maladies of an old woman however, add to that moving in with your adult child's family and finding out they have no room or patience for you and could care less as you shovel snow or lug groceries upstairs or accept a house with low kept temps in NE.   Now just 4 mos after major spine surgery with rods and screws which makes my pain worse,  just a few weeks ago I fell down the stairs here in the home.   I am stored away in a separate room (colder than the rest of the home) and told I should come out and visit once in awhile as it is good for me to have some contact :( yes, I understand depression.   I won't get up on the pulpit but only can convey I say my rosary every single morning and pray for strength to keep going.   If I opt out now, why I would miss all the old movies I've been buying for my watching enjoyment or all the books I have yet to read.  Or all the prayer shawls I still have to make for other fellow ill persons.   I talk with my higher power often, best conversations although one sided!  :)   Whatever the answer is, it is certainly separate thinking for us all and there is no wrong answer.   Love you all, my friends!

7 Comments

Complications and Depression

by bgarza - 2017-02-09 18:12:04

Hello Love, rest assured that your conversations with your "higher power" are not one-sided, He knows your heart and hears your words. Depression has a way of sneaking into our lives when it is clearly not wanted. I've been having my own "pity parties" over my 2nd pacemaker with a new 3rd lead, bouts of a-fib and needing a pacemaker adjustment due to a wire sticking out the side of the pacer. But all my trust is in God, all will be as it should be. Take care of yourself and I hope you have some Doris Day movies in your collection.

Thanks

by Love - 2017-02-09 19:19:40

Thanks, bgarza......so nice touching base with someone here.   In my opinion people here are entitiled to a "pity party" once in awhile.   This is the right place to come for it too as we all understand and are here for one another....you keep up the good work my friend.......Love

Aging

by dumb - 2017-02-10 02:56:34

My device had a lot shorter lif than yours. I wish my device had lasted a lot longer. 

Deteriation I guess that is a fact of life after a certain age/point.  I just sort of chug along.

My daughter lives with me, which is okay, as long as I am able to speak for myself.  When I go sour again, I hope death is swift. I definately am not safe. Been there done that, can't let it happen again.

I have made a point of telling my doctors my daughter is to never make decisions for me.  I pay a fee to a RN to act as my advocate if I can not speak for myself.

This aging business requires a lot of toughness.

 

Be strong!

by Love - 2017-02-10 10:21:52

Thanks, IRON WILL.   I am freezing.   We just had a large snow storm yesterday and it is around zero out there right now.   I am in my daughter's home.   Been shunted down away from everyone in a room with near no heat.  Just purchased on line a little heater for the room during the day while awake only and immediately got complaint it will use their electric.  Told them I would give a few bucks more along with the rent they collect from me.   This is only termporary.  Elder abuse is involved and waiting to hear as they are trying to get me out of here.  :(   And yes, you are right.  One has to be pretty tough.   Only thing is with the pacer and new rods in the back went out and shoveled just a little and now suffering the pain for it...LOL!   Have a great day, all.......

The pits

by Gotrhythm - 2017-02-10 12:21:24

To quote my brother in law, getting old is the pits! 

After a back procedure to shore up my collapsing spine, the doctor recommeneded a water exercise class. I have to say it's the best thing I've done for myself in years. Sometimes I have to force myself to go, but always does help the pain. Just as important, when I'm feeling down about all my ills and aches, I just look around the class. I see all the mobility problems some people have, and decide I'm not so bad off at all.

Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about the depression. When we were kids, there was very little help for depression, but today--praise the lord!--there is medication that can help, and it's not a sign of weakness to take it. It's being proactive.

I love your sense of humor. Being able to laugh at ourselves is a sign of mental health, I think.

Suggestion

by dumb - 2017-02-10 12:40:43

If you use a personal heat source put it on your stomach, right under your heart, your whole body will warm.

Elder Abuse is a difficult subject. I have been on several sides of the issue. My mother always loved to complain about me.  Finally it came down on her, due to her comments to people who did not know the circumstances I had the police at my front door. Investigation found no abuse, she was clean, well fed, dressed properly, her living area clean. She had a social life, was active and happy. Her friends all commented on the quality of care I gave.

After the second complaint three years later, again by a stranger, I was not pleased.  I was very ill and taking care was very difficult.  I decided I had no choice but to institutionalize her.  At home care would require skilled nursing care around the clock. Not manageable from a distance.

My point is I see all sides of the issue.  I know how my heart broke when I realized my situation with my daughter. She has a right to manage how she sees fit, I know the situation, so it is my responsibility to protect myself.

Interesting part is I watch after three of my mother's long time friends. They feel competent in my ability to advocate for them. My three ladies are pushing 100 yrs. soon.

Life's complications.

Hang in there!

by Frazzled - 2017-02-23 02:46:40

I have only had my PM for four months, but suffered for over 7 months last year before I finally decided something was wrong.  At age 58 I was diagnosed with a large heart murmur (surprise) and when an angiogram was performed to determine the extent of damage to the valves, my heart stopped. Turns out, I also have an electrical communication problem, so the doctor did an emergency PM implantation. Yay me😟 I guess my heart chambers don't like to talk to each other.  Sounds like my marriage!  At least I have a cardiologist with a bit of humor.  He asked if I had seen the light, but I told him I guess I wasn't dead long enough!  He was a bit disappointed (we laughed), but I thanked him for shocking me back to life.

Anyway.....woke up with a piece of uncomfortable hardware in my chest. My 3 yr. old granddaughter checks my "bobo" every time she sees me to make sure I am doing ok.  She gives me a reason to get up and get going everyday.  I found it interesting that when I went for my one week recheck and have the staples removed, that one of the first questions I was asked was, "Are you depressed?"  My family doctor asked the same question and put me on Zoloft assuring me I would feel a difference.  I've felt depressed in the past  for various personal family issues along with losing my parents within a year of each other.  I don't feel depressed due to the PM, but I have a few good friends and my family to give me support and to cheer me up if needed.  The Zoloft seems to help keep me on an even keel and makes it easier to handle stressful situations. It's not perfect, but it is better.

I feel God has been with me every step of this journey. Why else would I have gone to a walk in clinic last October?  Something told me  there was something wrong.  I was in denial for so many months, but one day in the middle of the month, I said "enough."  I have survived cancer and I will get through this too.

It sounds like you are a very religious woman.  I can't imagine the pain you are suffering or the other difficulties you are experiencing.  Continue talking to God and praying the rosary.  I talk to Him constantly. He may not answer us right away, or give us the answers we want to hear, but I do know that no matter what, He will be by our side every step of they way.  Talk to you priest to see if there is possible help from your congregation - just a thought.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong and don't give up. There are too many old movies to watch over and over.  These days I watch the Disney movies with my little one.  What's better than watching Frozen or The Little Mermaid over and over and over.......

Frazzled

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