On seeing the gallery

Please forgive my ignorance. I just logged on yesterday for the first time in a long time after the e-mail about the pulse, and I went into the gallery, looked at the pictures and cried. I have been looking at you and reading post all day long. You people are all so young, vibrant, and well so normal looking. I expected more of you to, well, be older, sickly looking. I always thought that the need for the PM was for the older generation. I hope I did not offend anyone. Let me vent if you will.

I am 46 years old and got my PM a year ago. I went into heart failure (cardiomyopathy) at the age of 39. I was lucky I was diagnosed early enough and was able to prevent the “attack,”and suffered minimal damage. With lots of medication I was relatively stable until last year when things changed and the need for the PM arrived. I never felt sorry for myself, never dwelled on my condition because I considered myself lucky. It could be worse, right? I never used the term “heart disease” or spoke the word. I referred to myself as having a heart condition not a disease. What is the difference you ask? A disease is “an incorrectly functioning organ, part, or system,” a condition is “a usually defective state of health.” A condition sounds better, you think? That is until last year. Reality check!!! Hello, I have a disease, and even went as far as to question my cardiac nurse. Guess what she said, a disease, how about that!! I HAVE HEART DISEASE. I HAVE A PACEMAKER. And, you what I am proud of that pacemaker, it is all mine. Did I have a hard time accepting, you bet. I still do. And I deal with it all myself, because that’s what I choose and who I am.

I joined the PM club just to see what you people had to say. For a short time I read the post and responses and meet a person with whom I correspond outside the club. She has been a wonderful support through my ordeal that included a repositioning, lead extraction, and replacement. A story for another time. So why did I cry and feel the need to write. Because you look youthful, full of life, alive, living human beings trying to make the best out of a situation. You all appear to have something positive going for you. Look at you! I am not alone. And I thank you. amymarla

6 Comments

Thank you for sharing your feelings

by admin - 2008-04-30 09:04:28

I too am moved by the photos on the gallery. It proves that the vast majority of recioients live an active normal life.

Blake

yes

by jessie - 2008-04-30 10:04:33

i think that for the most part we can resume what we were doing before and maybe more. we are a special group of people and i have a love for all even if i don't particularly like someone. this isn't an easy road but then there are much worse as you know. i always say noone knows what it is like to be chased around a tree by a dod as a person who has been chased around a tree by the same dog. i am going west in a few weeks and i am so glad to be doing this yes that is right going to visit my daughter son in law and my grandchildren jessica and michael. jessica is being confirmed. she is twelve. i am her sponsor. i too have a hard time but i think if i eat right and i exercise i have half a chance to live fairly healthy and maybe long. i eat mostly chicken fish and oddles of fresh veggies and fruit. my mother died of heart disease at 65. i have outlived her a year. my dad lived to 87 very healthy and died of old age. just wanted to say hi to everyone new and old at this site and wish everyone the best for this summer . jess

Gallery

by abc123 - 2008-04-30 10:04:45

I am only 28 and I thought I was alone when I found the club. Looking in the gallery was an eye opening event for me. So many of the members are young, I am no longer alone. Amy, I never reply to posts but this one hit home, for me. I now feel like I belong some where, I am with people who understand and look great. I cry on the site but for so many other reasons, the support here is great. Thanks for your post. It makes me smile, knowing I am not the only one who feels a connection with pictures in the Gal.
Tammy

yes we have become close and that is so great.

by jessie - 2008-05-01 01:05:30

i love the site. i have several friends and we act goofy sometimes on the chat. we have a great itme joking around. so i am so glad i found it jess

NICE LOOKING

by peter - 2008-05-01 03:05:58

I too was amazed at the pictures, all those beautiful ladies who you just cant believe need a pacemaker. Cheers Peter

pacemaker....

by Suzzy - 2008-05-04 02:05:53

Pacemakers have no barriers on who needs them....children, kids, teenagers, adults, and seniors. We come from all walks of life, and have no bearing on just because your "beautiful" you should not have one. I take offense to your comment Peter....

You know you're wired when...

Your favorite poem is “Ode to a Cardiac Node”.

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